I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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