Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
