Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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