I can tuck mytits in my pants
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
