I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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