yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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