I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
