SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
