I'm going to jail i love you
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
