I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
