i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
