Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
