you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
