its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
