oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
