alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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