We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just found a bag of teeth...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
