so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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