it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Walk of Shame today included voting.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
