i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
