Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
