hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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