My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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