I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
