I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
