If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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