i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
