I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
