I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
