At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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