How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
