Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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