He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
