i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
