so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it's great music for shaving your balls
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
