My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
