It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
