$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
