the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I want her autograph on my taint
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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