the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Someone shattered a urinal.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
