We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
