I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
