my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
