We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
