i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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