Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She told me I should be a condom model.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
