I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
