That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
