operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
