I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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