So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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