Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
