I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
